OAPs Should Be Given ASBO's

That's right, Old Age Pensioners or "old people". In case you don't know, an ASBO is an Anti-Social Behaviour Order given out by the police. If you're thinking "Bless 'em they're old and dithering" you are wrong.

Old people like to use incompetence as a shroud for their evil and satanistic mischiefs. Maybe like me you've sometimes walked down the street and you've been walking on a constant course when...

BANG

Old lady twelve o'clock, just walked straight in front of you and stopped to "go through her handbag". Yeah right, funny how it couldn't have been anyone else she stopped in front of, just a "young person". And what is that anyway? The last time I caught the bus I was sitting in those seats for the elderly and disabled cause there were no others and no old people or disabled, it's fair game right? Well as soon as the first matron of satan stepped onto the bus I kindly offered my seat and that crone from the lower staircase of Hades looked right at me...PRETENDED to ignore me and hobbled on. But not before muttering to her compatriot "Fucking kids today so bloody fucking rude".

<---This typical road sign doesn't event attempt to hide the fact that old people are agents of hell. It even shows them transforming back into human form. And not forgetting, the old woman is clearly a pickpocket.

That's not to mention, have you ever been "accidentally" twatted by an old person's walking stick, yeah they put on a good limp but you get within 2 metres the facade drops and they turn into something from a John Woo film. And the convenience of how slow they are to pay at tills when a young person is behind them, but as soon as that tannoy system blares out that stamps are on offer they fucking race down those aisles.

Not everyone is blind, get your zimmo's cracking before I steal your motorised shopping trolley.

Common Courtesy Is A Myth

One of two things has happened on this rapidly decaying planet, either manners are now a part of history or women have just forgotten how to see the tells. Let's take an example of a scenario I was placed in recently.

While sailing along the headache inducing river we call life I found myself in a position where I'd hold open the door for a woman just because it's common practice. Now one of two things can happen usually.

1. The woman thanks you kindly and you carry on with your day feeling like a top bloke. This is the more preferable option although there is an alternative.

2. The woman says nothing and while feeling fucking mugged off for her rudeness and general cuntish behaviour and having friends tell you you should have "Punched her in the tit" for not saying thank you, you still feel ok because you know you're a decent bloke.

These were the only two outcomes until the other day, when i stumble upon outcome number 3.

3. The woman stands IN the doorway chatting bollocks to her sycophantic friends while you're left standing there like a muppet thinking "Do I tell her to just fucking move?". In the end you either barge your way through or in my case say "If you'd shut your clap trap for two seconds you'd realise you're blocking the fucking door". So now my previous gesture of courtesy has been crushed under the sharpened heel of a stilleto and I'm prone to abuse from a pack of hyenas bloodthirsty to be accepted into the social strata.

From this I have concluded that you should only open doors for women who don't look like they enjoy rolling around in grease and who can talk without screaming.

En Francais? I'd Rather Not Thank You

"So Jean, wanna come back to my place tonight?"
"Of course Jack, but you're pronouncing my name wrong."
"Oh?"
"Yeah it's like Jeeeeennn"
"You mean the French version?"
"Well I am French..."

STOP

Yes, this could easily have been you. The trouble with the French nowadays is they have become increasingly difficult to spot, gone are the days of stripey shirts and pierre hats, now its fake lacoste shirts and hardcore french underground rap. What? Yeah you heard me, underground rap.

But of course I'm no racist, it is merely my duty, living so painstakingly close to this wasteland, to inform Western society of just how shit Europe can be. You may see on the news the wonderful Dutch windmills and the beaches of Spain and the culture, so much culture. But you're led astray dear Westerners, France is the dark, dank underbelly that Europa has been trying to restrain. I mean over there you all eat "le croissant", do you know how many English households I know that have ever eaten croissants...zero, de nada. The croissant is like the chalice of evil and everything a Frenchman embodies. Lets us refresh our memories.

"But Sal, isn't Paris the city of love?" -

- Obviously you've never been to Paris. They're very good at ONLY showing you the Eiffel Tower and Le Louvre. Paris is an industrial shithole just like every other European major city. There's factories and warehouses everywhere, even a motel called EastEnders for crying out loud.

"I think that whole thing about them being dirty is just a stereotype, isn't it?" -

-I've had the unfortunate experience of showering in the cubicle next to a Frenchman and his washbag fell under the wall and do you know what was in it. Two items - His wife's tampons (I assume wife but you know the frogs) and a toothbrush. Now let us review that, where is the shower gel or soap, where is the fuckin toothpaste. 47% of the French shower daily and 40% and 25% of men and women don't change their underwear.

"Come on Sal, what's the worst thing France has ever done? They're ok."-

-You mean aside from making Jerry Lewis famous? They were the match that lit the fuse of WWII, do your research and you'll see, if the French weren't assholes then Belgium would never have been lost, then Great Britain would never have been called in to defend France and Belgium and the US would never have to come over to help.

It's not like they're stereotypical positives even work for them. A friend of mine once said "Sal they're great vintners?"Shut up and sit down,In 2002 a vintner rebottled 4,000 HECTOlitres of Algerian shite as Bordeaux, summary, French are fucking snakes. I mean it's not like their Va va voom is even true, fucking lie too, the French spend 19.2 minutes on foreplay opposed to the British on 22.5 minutes. And 50% of the French don't even associate sex with pleasure, while 23% would go without sex for months. I mean it's taken nearly a millenia for them to even admit we're better, Sarkozy finally owns up in 2006. Cunt.

I began hating the French when I was in school when I learned that the French surrended to Hitler without one SINGLE gunshot. If this wasn't bad enough for this snakes of deception they rounded up the Jews in France and traded them for...

ONE crate of HEINEKEN = FUCKING MUGS, ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD HAVE SAID CARLSBERG (and in case you haven't noticed NO Heineiken isn't even fucking French!)

And it goes on, the French wouldn't let the US fly over them to bomb Libya, they complained and got all whiney about the US bombing Iraq during the Gulf War.My hatred grew when I visited France and realised that the French like to seduce any english speaking woman, be they from the UK or US and they prefer them married.They smoke like a factory, have a really unecessarily hard language and the entire country smells of rancid goats cheese and open sewers, think I'm exaggerating, go on the circular in France and open the window.

THATS FRANCE MY BOY