En Francais? I'd Rather Not Thank You

"So Jean, wanna come back to my place tonight?"
"Of course Jack, but you're pronouncing my name wrong."
"Oh?"
"Yeah it's like Jeeeeennn"
"You mean the French version?"
"Well I am French..."

STOP

Yes, this could easily have been you. The trouble with the French nowadays is they have become increasingly difficult to spot, gone are the days of stripey shirts and pierre hats, now its fake lacoste shirts and hardcore french underground rap. What? Yeah you heard me, underground rap.

But of course I'm no racist, it is merely my duty, living so painstakingly close to this wasteland, to inform Western society of just how shit Europe can be. You may see on the news the wonderful Dutch windmills and the beaches of Spain and the culture, so much culture. But you're led astray dear Westerners, France is the dark, dank underbelly that Europa has been trying to restrain. I mean over there you all eat "le croissant", do you know how many English households I know that have ever eaten croissants...zero, de nada. The croissant is like the chalice of evil and everything a Frenchman embodies. Lets us refresh our memories.

"But Sal, isn't Paris the city of love?" -

- Obviously you've never been to Paris. They're very good at ONLY showing you the Eiffel Tower and Le Louvre. Paris is an industrial shithole just like every other European major city. There's factories and warehouses everywhere, even a motel called EastEnders for crying out loud.

"I think that whole thing about them being dirty is just a stereotype, isn't it?" -

-I've had the unfortunate experience of showering in the cubicle next to a Frenchman and his washbag fell under the wall and do you know what was in it. Two items - His wife's tampons (I assume wife but you know the frogs) and a toothbrush. Now let us review that, where is the shower gel or soap, where is the fuckin toothpaste. 47% of the French shower daily and 40% and 25% of men and women don't change their underwear.

"Come on Sal, what's the worst thing France has ever done? They're ok."-

-You mean aside from making Jerry Lewis famous? They were the match that lit the fuse of WWII, do your research and you'll see, if the French weren't assholes then Belgium would never have been lost, then Great Britain would never have been called in to defend France and Belgium and the US would never have to come over to help.

It's not like they're stereotypical positives even work for them. A friend of mine once said "Sal they're great vintners?"Shut up and sit down,In 2002 a vintner rebottled 4,000 HECTOlitres of Algerian shite as Bordeaux, summary, French are fucking snakes. I mean it's not like their Va va voom is even true, fucking lie too, the French spend 19.2 minutes on foreplay opposed to the British on 22.5 minutes. And 50% of the French don't even associate sex with pleasure, while 23% would go without sex for months. I mean it's taken nearly a millenia for them to even admit we're better, Sarkozy finally owns up in 2006. Cunt.

I began hating the French when I was in school when I learned that the French surrended to Hitler without one SINGLE gunshot. If this wasn't bad enough for this snakes of deception they rounded up the Jews in France and traded them for...

ONE crate of HEINEKEN = FUCKING MUGS, ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD HAVE SAID CARLSBERG (and in case you haven't noticed NO Heineiken isn't even fucking French!)

And it goes on, the French wouldn't let the US fly over them to bomb Libya, they complained and got all whiney about the US bombing Iraq during the Gulf War.My hatred grew when I visited France and realised that the French like to seduce any english speaking woman, be they from the UK or US and they prefer them married.They smoke like a factory, have a really unecessarily hard language and the entire country smells of rancid goats cheese and open sewers, think I'm exaggerating, go on the circular in France and open the window.

THATS FRANCE MY BOY